Have you ever heard a couple say ‘we’ve fallen out of love’ as justification for them splitting up or getting a divorce? Whether a Christian couple or not, maybe you think or want to say ‘well get back in love!’ What they are probably referring to is their feelings for each other, that they are not emotionally attracted to each other as maybe they once were and therefore don’t like each other or feel like they should be together anymore. I’m not downplaying the seriousness or impacts of divorce, as it is a hurtful thing to everyone involved, which is probably why God hates it. I’ve been directly impacted by friends and family dealing with divorce and it is a very devastating thing, regardless of the justifications for it. How has divorce and people splitting up impacted your life?
Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. Revelation 2:4-5
If you are married, you know that feelings can wax and wane and you do not always get along perfectly or agree on everything you do. When even redeemed sinful people live together there is always potential for selfishness and conflict. The questions is when it happens, what do you do? You can hold your ground and not budge an inch, argue your point, or make some concessions and continue to work together. Also, forgiveness needs to be a part of moving forward, or past hurts and issues often come up time after time. You seek to find common ground and work together for your mutual benefit, and the benefit of children and others around you. Repentance and forgiveness needs to be a part of your relationship with other people and not just God, so you can find that love again and the feelings will follow. Remember that love is not as much a feeling as it is acting selflessly toward others, as Christ laid down his life for us.
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:10-11
When you ‘fall out of love’ with your spouse, you need to look at the level of selfishness and how you prioritize other things in your life, because you are likely still passionate about something other than each other. We should do the same in our relationship with God, as our feelings for him may wax and wane as well. Sometimes we may not feel like going to church, or singing songs about Him, or confessing our sins, or reading the Word, or any number of other things we may have once done when we were ‘in love’ with Him. Though we may not feel like it, when we start doing those things again and knocking our other passions and idols further down on the priority list, we start finding our first love again. Its not always that simple, but sometimes it is. Repent of your selfishness and find your first love again and again.
Yours in Christ,