Is Complying the Same as Lying?
1 John 4:18 ““Fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.””
Many Christians fear that setting and keeping limits signals rebellion or disobedience. Individuals remain trapped in endless activities of no genuine spiritual and emotional value. A lack of boundaries is often a sign of disobedience. People who have shaky limits are often compliant on the outside, but rebellious and resentful on the inside. They would like to be able to say no, but are afraid. So they cover their fear with a half-hearted yes.
God is more concerned with our hearts than he is with our outward compliance. “For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings” Hosea 6:6
In other words, if we say yes to God or anyone else when we really mean no, we move into a position of compliance. And that is the same as lying. Our lips say yes, but our hearts say no.
If we can’t say no, we can’t say yes. Why is this? It has to do with our motivation to obey, to love, or to be responsible. We must always say yes out of a heart of love. When our motive is fear, we do not love.
The Bible tells us how to be obedient in 2 Corinthians 9:7, “Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
Look at the first two ways of giving: “reluctantly” and “under compulsion.” They both involve fear—either of a real person or a guilty conscience. These motives can’t exist side by side with love, because “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts our fear”. Each of us must give as we have made up our minds. When we are afraid to say no, our yes is compromised.
God has no interest in our obeying out of fear because, “Fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love”. God wants a response of love.
Are boundaries a sign of disobedience? They can be. We can say no to good things for wrong reasons. But having a “no” helps us to clarify, to be honest, to tell the truth about our motives; then we can allow God to work in us. This process cannot be accomplished in a fearful heart.
