Sixty-three million people are caregivers. This is roughly 1 in 4 people. As natural as caregiving can be; it can take a toll on all involved. I am posting this to be an encouragement to anyone who may find themselves in this season of life. Please know you are not crazy. It is ok to experience a wide variety of emotions when being met with a life-altering diagnosis with a loved one. Grief has five stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is very easy to be stuck in one or experience several all at once. Talking to other people who have had to care for a sick parent has been so helpful in this process. You are not alone although times it can feel like you are. I have definitely failed at times to balance all the things. I have had to apologize for behaviors which can come up when carrying a heavy load. I have also had to pull myself out of the pity pool and force myself to higher ground. I have also said things which needed to be said. I am proud of feeling brave enough to this.
One thing I have tried to do is to remember all the blessings and practice intentional gratitude. We truly are blessed even within the storm. This helps to force my mood or worries to take a back seat. It is not easy to do, but as time goes on; that muscle has to be exercised to adapt to future trials. We were meant to “thrive” not just “survive” in life, but sometimes there are days when survival feels like the only option. We build a fortress around ourselves to keep out the pain, the broken dreams, the fear, the anger; even not wanting others to see how broken we have become. This is all completely and utterly human and normal. Love and pain can exist in the same space. It is rarely separate in and of itself. We grieve, because we care. It is a consequence of love, investment, longevity and commitment. There is no shame in any of it. Grief is an opportunity to remember every moment spent and a focused time to preserve every memory possible. There is no timeline. Think of grief as unpacking your clothes after a trip. Sometimes you need a minute to sit down. Grief can take a little bit or a long time. Do not ever feel like it has to be a rushed process. Keep what you need in it, and honor everything else.
I am so grateful for our village. There has been tremendous support during these last 11 months. Every text, every email, every call, every visit at church, every donated item to help us support Mom has been an absolute God-send. His goodness is always with us, and we will glorify Him through it. There are many things we will never understand. Asking why makes things harder, but we all have those moments. The Holy Spirit has been such a comfort. We have felt him through this journey.
John 14:16-18- Jesus promises to send an eternal Helper (the Spirit of truth) who will live inside believers so they are never left alone or comfortless.
Psalm 34:18- God is closest to the broken-hearted.
Psalm 23:4- Promises comfort and presence in dark times.
Stay grateful in the storm. Cling to God’s goodness and promises. Spend time with those who understand you and lift your spirits. We are not meant to do life alone.
Blessings,
Em
